I wrote this post a while back, but life happened and I never got around to hitting “publish”. So now, for your reading pleasure, I present to you, a blog from back in time…
My two-year-old has established an interesting little habit (and no, I don’t mean picking his nose, playing with it in his mouth for a little while and then wiping it on my shoulder – that’s been going on for months) I’m talking about repeating a very particular phrase, that he came up with all on his own and will announce every so often, during an applicable moment.
“Mom, you never know!” He will say with a mischievous twinkle in his eye and a slightly twisted smile.
Sometimes he announces it when I’m on my way out the door (which obviously makes me fly back into the house, re-kiss everyone and say “I love you.” three thousand more times). Other times, he will flippantly quip it as he slowly walks out of the family room and out of sight – which of course leads me to believe that he is about to go start a fire in the bathroom trash can.
But no matter when he makes this proclamation, he always gets a big ol’ belly laugh out of his oft-at-her-wits-end mother, because, hell – if anything is true in this parenting game it’s the fact that you just never know what’s about to happen next.
Here are just a few examples of unforeseen misadventures that have erupted thanks to the tiny humans living in my house.
The Wrapping Wreck
It’s probably my own fault for not keeping the wrapping paper, scissors and tape in a closet that can only be unlocked by a complete laser-scan of my retina, but once December hits, anything in our home that is not nailed down, is fair game for wrapping. Books. Shoes. Toy. Keys.
You know, I really thought the first time I unwrapped a set of keys, there would be a Lexus with a big, red bow on it waiting for me in my driveway.
The Flushing Foil
I’m thrilled when my kids use the toilet. In fact, I prefer it. I’m over diapers. I’m waaay over wet pants. When I hear the sweet sound of a flushing toilet, that means that not only has one of my children used our indoor plumbing for its appropriate purpose, but that they *gasp* remembered to flush! This is a huge moment of pride for me. However, with that pride comes a sinking feeling that, ironically, the water in our porcelain bowl is beginning to rise uncontrollably, due to excessive and quite frankly, an unnecessary amount of toilet paper for male children.
Never did I dream that these small bodies living in my home, could create plumbing catastrophes of such epic proportions.
The ER Errs
Running on the treadmill one day, I saw an ad for a personal injury law firm that ended with the tagline, “Your life can change in an instant. Get what you deserve.” For unknown reasons, the cheap, locally produced ad stuck with me for the rest of the day, until a few hours later when I received a frantic phone call from my husband telling me that our two-year-old’s fingers had been crushed under the weight of a kettle bell in our
home gym garage and they were rushing him to the hospital. Two hospitals, 14-hours and one surgery later, we were on our way home with a full-arm cast and a very grumpy toddler.
The obvious lesson here is, never go to the gym.
And never be so bold as to think you’ve got life all figured out, because as my wise beyond his years two-year-old likes to remind me every chance he gets, “You never know.”