When we started this process, I promised myself that I would keep detailed notes – both for the purposes of my own propensity for nostalgia and so that I might share the nitty-gritty details of all that an international adoption entails with my people (that’s you guys).
So I set out to keep a thoughtful account of our journey, but as it turns out, there is actually no conceivable way to keep track of every, single step of your adoption. Because adoption is not a series of steps, it is a minefield. A minefield that requires carefully executed pirouettes, army crawls and blind leaps, just to make it to the first safe zone.
And let me be real here and say we’ve not yet made it to our first “safe zone”. For me, I think that “safe zone” will be shipping our dossier (that’s fancy adoption-talk for a big-ass stack of paperwork that so far has very literally required my blood, sweat and tears.) off to Burundi. At that point, we will sit back and wait for the matching committee to convene and hopefully match us with our little one.
Yeah, we are so not there yet.
We are somewhere in the in-between. (Or as you Stranger Things fans might prefer to call it, the upside down). It’s this alternative universe, limbo-y place where SO much has happened, but really, nothing has happened at all. Where I can see what our life is going to be, but I can’t touch it – I can’t force it to get to me fast enough. Sometimes, I try and think hard enough to conjure up an image of our baby, somewhere on the other side of the world and sometimes that’s good. Sometimes, I like that. And other times, it’s too painful to bear. Because, if my baby is sitting somewhere on the other side of the world, that means that he is already waiting for me, waiting for his mom. And I just can’t get to him (or her) yet.
And so we wait in this place. This waiting place. Where we feel stressed and strapped and anxious and excited and more like a family than we’ve ever been. Bound together by this journey forward in faith.
We haven’t made it far, but we’ve pirouetted, army crawled and blindly leaped our way to this point, wherever it is.
We are here.