You guys, I’m not that smart.
I mean, I am. I am smart. Just not like, street smart. I don’t have that Artful Dodger kind of pluck that would serve me well if I were suddenly dumped on the mean streets of NYC with nothing but a compass and a smile.
To that point, when was the last time you heard someone make an Artful Dodger reference when discussing street smarts? Does that paint a picture for you of just how terrible I would be in this kind of scenario?
I hope so.
Anyway, I tell you all this not so that you will leave comments with links to YouTube pickpocketing videos, but because in my 6+ years of mothering, I have come up with exactly THREE mom hacks. That’s one every two years, for those of you who are street smart, but not book smart. And because of this extremely low hack to year ratio, I’ve kept these tricks shoved far, far up my sleeve. Mostly because I feel like most other moms have way craftier ideas and maybe you will all think these are super lame, nerd mom ideas. But regardless, I am stepping out to share my only three mom hacks with you, in the hopes that they will make your lives just a smidge easier and also so you don’t rough me up if we ever bump into each other in a street tough scenario.
The Car Door Urinal
This might be my favorite hack of them all. Which isn’t saying all that much, because there are only three, BUT if you are a mom of boys this one is invaluable. Okay, so you’re about to leave the grocery store parking lot with $200 worth of perishable items in the back of your car and suddenly your child has to pee. With nary a tree or other foliage option in sight, you are left with the options of either A) Returning into the store and risk letting your Halo Top melt in the scorching summer sun OR B) Pop open both driver’s side doors and make a completely secluded pee stall.
Now of course, this works best if you have a car parked directly next to you, but we’ve made it work without a vehicle there. I use my body as a human shield because that’s the kind of selfless and amazing mom I am.
Also I still get really flustered if I see old people judging my parenting, so I really don’t want them to see what we’re doing in the parking lot of the place they buy their food.
This one is really simple, but literally creates more sleep out of thin air. Until they are old enough to know better, the clock in my boys’ room is always set 15 minutes behind the rest of the world. They are allowed to come into our room an snuggle with us (or get up and play/make breakfast/run through the house like wild super heroes) at 6:15 also known as 6:30 to the rest of the world. It may not sound like much, but I promise you that extra 15 minutes in the morning is totally worth all the fudging around I have to do to explain why they’re going to be at 7:45pm.
Let’s Play House
This one isn’t as applicable to my life now as it was a few years ago when I had a toddler and a new baby, but it’s certainly worth sharing. On those days when I’d been up all night breastfeeding and my little one just wanted to get some good playtime in with his mama, I would suggest that we play “house”.
And as one does during the playing of house, I would put baby brother in his jumper and then I would lay down on the floor to “pretend” to sleep while my son got ready for his pretend job and made pretend breakfast for me. It may have only been 5-6 minutes of half-sleep while sprawled out on the hardwood floor, but I’ll take that over 5-6 minutes of being totally awake any day!
I’m not sure what that says about me as a human being, but having a baby is exhausting and I’ll take sleep any way that I can get it!
Do you have any favorite mom hacks that you’ve been keeping up your sleeve? Time to spill ’em!